When I had my mental break down, I spent a good amount of time to myself, alone. It was as if I was living in this nightmare that had no ending, no escape. I would wake up every day to the same wrinkles in my sheets, the same dust that would collect over time throughout the corners of my room and the same dusk to dawn that cycled repeatedly through those months. I spent a portion of that time reading, writing, and analyzing every detail that surrounded my thoughts and ideas. I grew to be comfortable with my isolation and even my loneliness, away from society or any social interaction. The books the brushed against the tips of my fingers became my only source of sanity, and the walls around my room kept me company, safe, warm, away from the harm that had brought me to my break down in the first place.
When you spend all this time alone, you start to grow a realization, this understanding, of a lot.
I was carefully observing the space that I locked myself within, and through studying that, I came to a theory about how space is created and the way our brains, our humanity, manifests life within empty spaces. Think about it like this; an empty sheet of paper is just an empty sheet of paper, manufactured into these thin objects that are completely weightless and meaningless. When you place something onto the object, onto that sheet of paper, something happens to it that goes unnoticed. We give it life, we place meaning into this object that originally started as nothing.
When I read through that time alone, the words that inhabited the pages through those books created sentences and paragraphs of a world that was wielded through imagination, through a creative thought process that brought life into a page, and then continued onto this object to create what we call a novel, a story In that manner, the rooms that we inhabit our bodies in, behave in the same theory of the word that we create a sense of personalities when we place a painting on a wall. Without that painting, the wall would just be an object to keep ourselves isolated from the outside world.
I spent months analyzing what ‘space’ meant and how it holds this personal relationship between our physical bodies and our minds, how our minds mold shape and form into these spaces and thus create meaning into objects in general.
This curiosity created a passion in not only what art was, and how we expressed art by different means, but also, what art meant to me and how I too, could express and create art through the means of space. Granted, I explored the idea of what photography was and how it worked, and I slaved over a camera for two years trying to learn how to take a good photograph. But when I came to SVA, that all changed. Because I came to realize that a camera is only part of the equation that will allow me to create art, that it wasn’t necessary to practice photography to allow myself to create something. There is a question that I have received quiet often about my curiosity behind Curating and why I wish to become a Curator when I go to an art school that focuses on art that you practice through the means of many different tools. And for weeks I would ponder over this idea that I was unworthy coming to SVA because I was searching to practice in a field that was not looked upon as art. And believe me when I say that I had my doubts, and I still do, but I want to believe that my choice in Curating is one that will manifest the artist within. But perhaps, this is by far one of the most difficult choices to justify, for I get a lot of confused looks about my choice in Curating. And frankly, I am getting a bit tired of explaining myself to a community of artists who really should realize the importance behind such a practice.
I once decided to visit the Guggenheim museum for a new exhibition that featured the brilliant mind of Wolfgang Tillmans, a personal favorite of mine. I had this sense throughout the entire museum of mystery, of something looming in suspended animation, as if life has been frozen for that very moment and the universe is about to reveal all of its secrets. I believe that’s the feeling I receive whenever I walk into a gallery, into a space that’s been occupied by frames and canvases, by photographs and sculptors, and I know, I know, this is where I am meant to be, where I belong.
What I want to do goes beyond the concept of what a Curator is meant to do, beyond what they are meant to write.
What I wish to do is about discovery; everyday there is something new to be found, something new to be learned, a new mystery around the corner. And it’s with that thought where I wish to unfold those secrets, and reveal them as masterpieces. In all honesty, I thought that this would have been a much longer explanation, but I think that this is enough, and it’s what I’ve come to believe. I know that this choice is one of difficulty; one that will challenge me in ways that I can’t even begin to describe. But I also know that my approach as a Curator is one that will reward me in ways that go beyond an education based in some art school located in New York City. Because I believe Curating is a form of art and for all those who think over wise, I shall redefine the way you think when it comes to what a gallery is and how the space is shared with art: your art. I should consider myself luck, though. I have the opportunity to express myself in a way that defines the way we approach a world that is expressed through emotions. Curating, like any form of art, is a way to influencing our attention, our memory, but also, our choices, decisions and moral judgments, the emotions trigged by those that inhabit a space in a room that present the very world we work to create. If Curating art is a way to present oneself, as authors do through novels - that makes me patient zero. I have six years to explore myself through walls, rooms, and empty spaces, longer than that which kept me locked away from the outside world; I’ll have six years of happiness. Some people only get four days. Thus, this is where my heart resides; this is where my art will be forged.
(P.S: Here’s an amazing article about Curators observing artists being Curators for those who may want to know a little bit more information about what I wish to do as an artist.)